Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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