In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
