I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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