The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
