capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
