Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
