She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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