im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
ok first of all what the fuck
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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