Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i came on her dog
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
