Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
