We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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