he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
last night I used snow as a chaser
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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