I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
