He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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