Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
