my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
