She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize
