Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
