If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
