Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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