tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
