I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
