I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
