Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Holy sore nipples Batman
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
