She's JV to your varsity
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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