Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
