And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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