lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
a search helicopter?!
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
