is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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