Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
