All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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