We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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