drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
