Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
