i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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