I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
