there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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