I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
