I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
