I got chris browned last night
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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