Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
