don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
