don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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