Got a toothbrush?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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