Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
