I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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