so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
