I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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