He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
This is classic penis vs brain.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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