I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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