Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
