Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
