Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Boobs are out for the taking
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
