think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize