I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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