Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
