The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
