this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
