Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
