atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
