I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
