hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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