I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
