Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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