Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
