I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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