just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize