Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
