It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
