And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
we're making bets on your personal life
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
