Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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