Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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