please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
