Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
