trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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