I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
