He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
