well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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