I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
