Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
