The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
