life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
