I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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