I hate all girls vehemently.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
