his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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