Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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