We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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