The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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