I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
