Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
