I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
