wake up i wanna do it froggy style
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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