mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize