So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
