Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize