someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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