my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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