I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My penis needs a shock collar
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
