Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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