rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
sarcasm needs its own font
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
