is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
