I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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