In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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