why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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