From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
